Anyone who has dealt with a loved one suffering from drug addiction has heard the words, “You’re not helping. You’re just enabling.” These are not easy words to hear, let alone fully understand. To make it simple, helping is when the situation actually improves. In other words, your actions have led your loved one to deal with the drug addiction, perhaps by attending a drug rehab center. Enabling, however, is when the situation worsens, and your actions have contributed to the drug addiction. Although this may seem straightforward, many people unconsciously fall into the trap of enabling. If you’ve ever wondered about your own actions, here are 3 steadfast guidelines to follow to ensure that you are not contributing to the drug addiction.
Do not give him cash. Ever. Cash equates to drugs. Period. Regardless of the story he tells you, never hand him that $100 to pay his phone bill, or that $50 for groceries. Inevitably, the cash will turn into drugs. It is not always easy to follow-through with this as you want to believe that he is telling you the truth this time. Drug addicts, unfortunately, are usually master manipulators and will stop at nothing to get their next fix. If you are even contemplating handing over some cash, ask yourself this: would you purchase the drugs for him? Of course you wouldn’t, but if you hand over the cash, you’re essentially getting in your car, driving to his dealer’s house, and buying the drugs for him.
Instead, every time the question for cash arises, tell him you will put that cash towards paying for a drug rehab center.
Do not bail her out. Yes, this includes bailing her out of jail; however, bailing her out goes beyond incarceration. When she needs a ride at 3 am, don’t go get her. When she was up all night and now asks you to call her boss, don’t make the call. When she asks you to do something that she should be able to do for herself, don’t do it. Yes, this sounds scary. What if she’s in danger when she calls you at 3 am? What if she’s about to lose her job if she calls in one more time? Yes, it is very scary to let go of her. You are afraid you will lose her forever.
Instead, when the 3am call comes, offer an alternative. Perhaps, say “I’ll come get you and take you to that drug rehab center we’ve been saving for.” Or when she does lose her job, offer to help her get her life under control by going to a program that will really help.
